There are a million &what ifs& in life.
Choose the ones with positive, productive, successful endings.
Believe and achieve – don't give up on your goals.
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
My Roommate Is Driving Me Crazy!
It’s hard to live with someone else in a tiny space, especially a dorm room.
Many find themselves facing one of these problems at one point or another.
This is a long post, so feel free to scan down for your particular issue.
Feel free to share your own if you don’t see it on the list.
I will be happy to help you resolve an issue and/or post it anonymously, too.
If you have creative solutions or ideas, please share them.
General comments:
problems by setting clear boundaries with your roommates first.
let problems fester.
them as quickly and calmly as possible.
name-calling, vicious sarcasm, and accusations.
to see how you may have contributed
to the problem.
try and resolve an issue first before you involve others, including an RA,
unless it is life threatening or dangerous.
you’re venting, need space, in a bad mood, make sure you communicate!
Your roommate isn’t a mind
Be upfront, be
Problem: Turning on main overhead light while you’re sleeping or trying to sleep.
Put a note on your door that you’re sleeping.
Can even be one of those hotel styles that hang on the knob.
Buy small lamp that can be turned on instead of overhead light.
Light bulb should be low wattage.
If one roommate wants to read while others are sleeping, purchase clip on reading lights.
They come in various sizes and can be purchased online through Amazon, at bookstores, and Bed Bath & Beyond.
Food issues – either roommate takes your food without permission or does not replacing what she takes.
Keep a list next to your refrigerator of all your food items.
Cross out what you eat/drink.
Keep a list of IOUs and replace what you owe.
Label your food and drinks – buy and use Sharpies.
Keep a separate shelf for each roommate’s food/drinks.
Dirty – clothes everywhere.
Leaves used plates, bowls, take-out containers and doesn’t wash them or throw them out.
Throws their stuff everywhere.
Doesn’t bathe.
This is a tough one.
The key is to be upfront and deal with this issue right away.
Explain that you understand that your roommate may have been in a rush, but that you are embarrassed to bring in guests and have them see the person’s underwear or filth.
Leave a note.
Please clean up mess – we’re having guests.
Please clean up your stuff.
I’ve noticed a horrible odor in our room.
Please help me figure out what it is and let’s resolve it.
Gossips or talks about you to others.
Best to be honest and confront the issue right away.
Speak in private outside your dorm.
Maybe go out for breakfast or take a walk, but talk it out.
Roommate doesn’t pay his or her portion for cleaning supplies or other shared items like toilet paper.
Keep a checklist:
who made the purchase with the date and the cost.
Either agree to alternate or split the cost between roommates immediately or every two weeks.
Roommate turns music on while you’re studying or invites guests in while you’re trying to get work done.
Ask roommate to use headphones.
If you’re tired, ask roommate and guests to go to someone else’s room.
Be upfront and honest.
Roommate snores.
Buy a fan for background noise, buy and wear earplugs (Walgreens, CVS stores carry them), buy a CD that plays wave sounds that will block out snoring.
Roommate’s alarm wakes you up too.
If your roommate doesn’t wake up to “normal” beeps or light music, ask him or her to buy a wristwatch that has an alarm.
That way, it will buzz or beep on his body and reduce noise.
Roommate binge drinks and vomits in your room.
This is a hot topic and difficult problem.
Binge drinkers can suffocate on vomit and need to be watched carefully.
Keep a bowl or a garbage can readily available.
Roommate gives you the silent treatment after arguments.
See if you can break the silence between you by starting out with simple phrases like “Good morning” or “Have a good day” or “See you later.”
Communicate using notes.
Let cooler heads prevail – let a day or two pass and start the conversation.
Roommate lies, and then lies that she lied.
If confrontation doesn’t work, then write a note spelling it out clearly for the person.
He may not change, but at least he knows you’re not being fooled.
Roommate doesn’t do his fair share of the work.
Discuss it first.
If it doesn’t help, leave a note.
Roommate pushes their religious perspective on you.
Ask the person to stop.
Say I am not interested.
There should be mutual respect and no one should push his faith on another.
One person told me that she would sing every time her roommate brought up religion.
Eventually, the roommate got the message.
In one extreme case a girl told me that her roommate was constantly leaving literature or telling her she was going to hell.
They ended up switching rooms.
One roommate has sex while the other is supposedly sleeping.
Private business should always be private.
Leave your roommate a note and say that you had trouble sleeping and ask them to take his/her private business elsewhere.
Creative Solutions:
From a senior who was fighting a lot with her roommates:
“I went out and bought a card and some of my roommates’ favorite things like soda, soaps, things for their hair.
I put the gift together and wrote a note thanking them for being awesome roommates, even through tough times.
It helped smooth things over.
From a senior who had one roommate without a boyfriend:
We had four girls living in one small room.
Three of us had boyfriends and the one who didn’t always felt left out.
Our solution was to plan special girls only activities.
It made a difference and eased tensions.
Online services to help your find a compatible roommate:
Through Facebook: or URoomSurf:
Don’t see your roommate often, but need to communicate?
Maybe this notepad can help express what needs to be said – as long as you both agree to use it!
Some of the things to check off can be harsh!
Some roommate nightmare stories I’ve heard:
Jane told me a story about her roommate, Alisa, who refused to take out their garbage.
The solution was to get separate cans.
One day Jane wasn’t thinking and threw some of her garbage in her Alisa’s can.
Alisa had a hissy fit and retaliated by dumping out garbage!
Beth walked into her dorm room and found dirty dishes in the sink, on the floor, and on her bed – all belonging to her roommate, Sara.
She asked Sara to clean them up and Sara threw the dishes at Beth.
Ben’s roommate, Jeremy, confronted Ben and said he owed her money for cleaning supplies.
They had been arguing about other things, too.
Ben paid Jeremy the three dollars he owed him.
Jeremy said he needed space, and asked Ben to get lost for an hour.
When Ben returned, Jeremy was gone.
He left Ben a present on his bed.
Jeremy had cut up the dollar bills and spelled the word “TRUCE” with the destroyed money.
Be careful with whom you confide in about your roommate and any problems you may have with him.
I heard several stories from people who discussed their roommate problems with dorm neighbors, mutual friends, even openly on Facebook.
In each of these situations, the roommate found out.
D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R!
Don’t do it.
If you absolutely need to confide in someone, make sure the person is trustworthy and helps you to resolve the problem by allowing you to take care of it without his intervention.
Start with a friend who doesn’t go to the same school, a parent, or a sibling, or perhaps your RA.
Tired of dorm living?
Take the plunge and rent an apartment or duplex.
Ask the following questions:
How much is the rent?
Do you allow pets? (if you have one) Note:
If the landlord allows pets, expect that your security deposit will be at least 1.5 to 2 times the amount of your monthly payment! 3.
When is rent due?
Do I need a co-signer?
(usually a parent)
What is the parking situation?
Or is there a bus/transportation line? 6.
Is there laundry available? 7.
How much is the security deposit? 8.
What utilities are included? 9. Is there Internet/cable TV hook-up? 10.
Is the lease a month-to-month, or a year lease?
Do I have to give notice before we vacate the premises in WRITING?
How much time is needed?
May I sublease the apartment to someone if I need to leave?
What charges will I incur if my rent is late?
Who do I call in case of an emergency or problem with the apartment?
Always: 1) Pay your rent on time.
If you have any issues, including financial difficulties and may not be able to pay the rent on the due date – contact your landlord.
Pay your utilities on time.
Purchase renters’ insurance – it covers loss and/or damage and is relatively inexpensive.
5) Be respectful to other tenants in the building – loud music/parties at all hours of the night are not okay.
Keep shared space clean and clutter free.
Keep doors locked.
8) Be careful who has copies of your keys.
Be thorough and honest on your application – if you’re not truthful, the landlord will find out!
Better to be up front if you were late on payments in the past and if you have civil or criminal records etc.
10) If your landlord calls you, return his/her call promptly.
Choose your roommates carefully.
Will s/he pay on time?
Remember – their (rental) history can affect your history!
Your credit history WILL BE CHECKED
Public Records, including civil and criminal cases WILL BE CHECKED
Substance:
& Copyright 2012 Liza WiemerA Strange Situation
This forum is limited to prevention of
in general. All questions will be answered by H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D. or Edward W Hook, MD.
Font Size:
Background:
This expert forum is not accepting new questions. Please post your question in one of our .
A Strange Situation
&&&& I recently found out that my HIV+ roommate has been mistakenly using my towel to clean up breast milk that she expresses due to medication she's on.&&This has been happening for a period of 3 months.&&We didn't figure it out until today when we reached for the same towel!&&I know this is a really strange situation.&&I'm just really worried and don't know if there's a reason to be.&&I know that you cannot get HIV from sharing a towel, but I feel this is a special case since typically towels do not have breast milk on them.
&&&& I am concerned because on a number of occasions I have gotten a shower right after she was in there doing that.&&Therefore, if I happened to rub my vagina with the towel with the still wet breast milk, I reason there is a risk.&&Could you please tell me what the risk is of rubbing myself with a towel with several drops of her wet breast milk on it?&&And, if the risk is low, could you explain why?&&Finally, would you recommend testing for this type of exposure? This is just something that has been really taxing my mind and I don't know if it should be.&&Your help would be greatly appreciated.&&
Discussion is closed
Page 1 of 1
There is no realistic chance of catching HIV.&&No household members of HIV infected people ever catch HIV, unless they are also sex partners or share injection equipment.&&And breast milk is not highly infectious.&&The amount of HIV in breast milk is extremely low, usually not there at all.&&Among babies nursed by HIV infected mothers not on HIV treatment, 85% never become infected, despite swallowing several ounces of milk every day.&&If your partner takes anti-retroviral treatment, the risk would be even lower.
The only thing a household member of an HIV infected person really needs to worry about is blood exposure.&&Don't share razors, and if the infected person bleeds, wear gloves for clean-up and wash well with soap and water.&&(Even without those precautions, the transmission risk is extremely low.)
Given your anxieties, I suggest you have a frank discussion with your roommate and ask to accompany her the next time she visits her HIV provider to discuss your concerns.&&While there is little if any scientific basis to your fears, they are understandable.&&You'll feel better if a real HIV expert reassures you.
Good luck--&&HHH, MD
Discussion is closed
Thank you for your prompt response!&&I have talked with my roommate and am going to go in with her next time.&&I was very relieved by your response.&&However, I have had a little bit of self doubt because on a few occasions, possibly right after she was in the bathroom, I wore my towel around before getting my shower because I had forgotten my shampoo or some other item.&&Maybe I'm making too much out of this, but the towel might have rubbed me or I might have scratched and none of the time during which I got my shower would have elapsed to allow the breast milk to partially dry.&&It would have been nearly immediate contact.&&I'm pretty sure your first reply about there being no realistic chance still holds true, but I was wondering if you would confirm that this scenario is in fact no more dangerous than the other.&&I promise it's my last remark about this strange situation.&&A final comment from you would put my worrying mind at ease.&&Thank you for your time.&&
Discussion is closed
Thank you very much for your reassurance.
Discussion is closed
The additional information does not change my opinion or advice. Trust me on this:&& you are not at risk.
Discussion is closed
Hey, Folks.&&Take the non-medical conversations over to the HIV support forum, not here.&&Thanks.
Discussion is closed
I know I said that would be last question.&&But I thought more realistically about how many times I would have worn the towel.&&I am very forgetful with shampoo and stuff (that's immaterial), but it would have been more like 9 or 10 times to have worn the towel in the span of three months (not just a few times).&&I'm really sorry to trouble you.&&I have OCD (not that that's an excuse) and I'm just really trying to relax about this.&&It's not that I don't trust what you say because I do.&&I just fear that I have not relayed the situation exactly as it was and that therefore, somehow, your advice would change.&&Does the increase in how many times I would have worn the towel around make a difference?&&
Discussion is closed
Just a one word answer would be all I need.&&After that, no further discussion. Thanks again.
Discussion is closed
Discussion is closed
Please, doctor, I'm begging you to answer.&&I only thought a few more times would make a difference because it would have increased the probability of me rubbing myself with the towel.&&I thought your conclusion that I was not at risk might have been reached based on the unlikeliness of the towel rubbing me when I was wearing it around before my shower.&&Thus, a few more times would increase the possible times it could have happened.&&I really do value your opinion.&&Maybe I am digging around too much in the details.&&
Discussion is closed
Please.&&I honeslty am sorry to trouble you.&&Just a one-word answer if it makes a difference or not about how many times I wore the towel.&&This is driving me crazy that maybe you didn't get the exact details and that that would change your opinion.&&Please?&&I swear it's my last question.
Discussion is closed
8 times - no problem.
9+ times - infection.
Are you serious?
Discussion is closed
No. I'm not serious at all.&&I just like to sit and wait endlessly to see if an answer will come for fun.&&It's really what I love to do.&&But whatever.&&Forget it.&&I pointed out something valid--that is, whether I was at low risk because it was unlikely the towel rubbed me or whether I was at low risk just because of the nature of breast milk not being very infectious.&&I guess it's COMPLETELY
Discussion is closed
crazy to want to know which it is.&&My mistake.&&Apparently not that kind of forum.&&Will not happen again in the future.
Discussion is closed
Oh, and excuse me.&&I meant no realistic risk, not low risk.&&But anyway, inquisitive minds are an unfortunate thing to have.&&No more posting from me.
Discussion is closed
Discussion is closed
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
These tips can help HIV-positive women live a long, healthy life.
Despite the drop in new infections, black women are still at a high risk for HIV, the virus that causes Aids.
How this natural reaction affects you.
Learn the truth behind 14 common misconceptions about HIV.
Your goal weight is probably unrealistic. Here’s what to shoot for instead.
A breakthrough study discovers how to reduce risk of HIV transmission by 95 percent.
Communities
MedHelp International.
All rights reserved.
MedHelp is a division of .Is A Roommate Worth The Financial Benefit? - The Simple Dollar
A new graduate is wondering about the financial benefits of having a roommate – are they worth the drawbacks?
I’m finally at a place where I’m able to afford living alone – and though I much prefer the cost savings of having a roommate (about $400 a month) I’m heavily considering living alone.
My only options are to a) live with someone I don’t know b) continue living with someone I know but am very unhappy living with (I now view the savings as a payment to myself for living with this person, like a job).
I don’t know anyone who needs a roommate, or anyone who is moving to town within the timeframe that I’d be looking to move.
Faced with spending $400 “extra” a month to live alone, plus the upfront cost of buying things like a TV and furniture (all off craigslist or on sale, and nothing ridiculous like a 50″ plasma – going for the best combination of long term value and cost savings), what would you advise your readers to do?
In other words, in situations like this, where does the “personal” get factored into the “finance”?
I have my own ideas about the subject, which pretty much amount to: I’m currently not happy where I live – I haven’t been happy for a good 5 months, yet am planning on staying to finish out the lease. I’m saving $400 a month now my living where I am and finishing my lease out, enabling me to pay off my credit card, build up my emergency fund some more (targeted to be at 1.5 months worth of expenses by the time I move out), and have the cash upfront to pay for my large purchases before moving out to my own apartment.
In my view – paying the $400 extra a month (this includes the increase in rent and utilities) will provide me with a much greater sense of peace with my overall life – something that is a source of constant stress now.
My personal philosophy is this: if you can take an action in your life to relieve a constant stress without seriously damaging your financial state, take it.
This goes for everything from switching jobs to switching housing – anything that provides day-in day-out stress is a bad thing for your life in the long run because it has constant adverse effects on your mental and physical health.
Those adverse effects keep you from performing at your optimum level and eventually can lead to illnesses – these are real financial effects in addition to the overall effect on well being.
Thus, my first point of advice to the reader is to move out of the current situation, whether now or at the end of the lease.
Don’t renew the lease, no matter what.
Look for some other housing for your own well being.
So now the question comes down to is the additional financial cost of living alone worth it?
There’s no absolute answer to this question because it depends heavily on the individual and how well they get along with people they’re sharing a living space with.
1. What do I really want for housing?
Some people are merely looking for a pillow upon which to lay their heads.
If that’s all you really need, then many more possibilities open up for you.
Generally, the more time you’ll be spending at your place of residence and the more possessions you have, the more strict you ought to be in selecting a living situation.
I’ve lived in all varieties, from what amounted to a college place with several people jammed into a two bedroom apartment and all my possessions existing in two Tupperware tubs in the corner and a sleeping bag to the family home I live in now.
2. Would I feel safe, secure, and happy living with a stranger?
For most people, the answer here is no.
If you’re also saying “no,” then you probably don’t want to post or answer an ad asking for a roommate.
In some situations, I’d be fine with this – if I didn’t have many belongings at all, for instance, and had a room that was lockable.
I lived in a situation much like that in college with some people I didn’t know well at all (I knew some of the roommates before I moved in, but not all of them).
3. Would I feel safe, secure, and happy living with a specific person that I know?
If you’re evaluating a roommate, ask yourself whether you would be fine sharing living spaces with that person.
For example, if you’re a neat freak and this person leaves beer cans out all over the place, you may have problems.
Similarly, if you go to bed at ten every night and this person jams to Norwegian death metal while playing World of Warcraft at two in the morning, you may have problems.
Does the person have a drug problem or some unsavory relationships?
Does this person have any odious personal habits that really bother you?
Basically, if you’re thinking of sharing an apartment with someone and there are any big red flashing lights, don’t jump in.
Also, one major tip: lay everything on the table with your roommate.
Seriously.
If there’s something bothering you and you choose not to talk about it, you’re choosing to let that wound fester and grow far worse.
If you think you’re pulling more than your fair share and it’s bothering you, say so.
Just be calm and cool and civil about it.
Most of the foul roommate situations I’ve seen were caused by expectations that weren’t clear to the other person – if you expect them to do something, at least have the guts to say so or else don’t expect it.
If you follow that one little rule, your housing arrangement will go much better.
To me, choosing whether to have a roommate or not is a personal issue first, not a financial issue.
There is no amount of savings worth making your day-to-day life completely miserable – it’s not even worth a serious distraction.
Get rid of high interest debt with a 0% balance transfer credit card
Earn credit card points toward your favorite ways to travel
Save money and expand your travel budget by packing any one of these cards on your trip
A comprehensive guide to maximizing rewards and getting paid back for everything you buy
Please enable JavaScript to view the
Please enable JavaScript to view the
Please enable JavaScript to view the
I absolutely agree. I moved from a situation that was supposedly saving me money (with five roomates) & learned that not only did it not save me any money — many of my possessions were ruined beyond salvaging, high utility costs, etc… & I had to take a crazed roommate to court to obtain a restraining order. Personal safety first & do the best you can from there. My roommates cost me so much more money than being on my own though every situation is different. I’ve seen similar scenarios played out with many friends escaping from roommates.
Manage your money
Plan for your future
Protect your investments
Optimize your spending
Just sign up to The Simple Dollar Daily and start saving today.
Manage your money
Plan for your future
Protect your investments
Optimize your spending
Just sign up to The Simple Dollar Daily and start saving today.}