讨论主题：
【分享日志】一个帅哥的自白
发表日期： 00:05:08.0
注册时间： 21:46:42
我出生在一个普通家庭,父母健康,有爷爷奶奶,还有几个姑姑叔叔. 据说,我出生时,天空的北方,出现祥云一片,渐渐由远至近,飘到我家房顶后,幻化成一个 字:帅&
　　爸爸见到我后,声嘶力竭的哭了一个半月,他打死也不相信我是他的染色体遗传下来的孩 子,几次携菜刀冲到我母亲床前,挥舞着说要把我斩成肉泥,母亲以死相护,我才得以存活. 爷爷的青光眼十几年了,一米开外分不清是人是狗,可是当我出现在他眼前的时候,老人 家老泪纵横,自谫双目,从此不见天日,说是不想再见到人,以免后患无穷.&
　　后来,母亲为了证明自己的清白,拉着父亲要去医院作亲子鉴定,医生揭开被子只看了一 眼就哭了,抹着鼻涕说回去吧,这不是你儿子,谁的也不是,人类生不出这么帅的孩子.....&
　　一个实习的小护士走过,看见了强保重的我,立刻找了盒红印泥,把我的指纹印了下来,并 把盘好的头发一下子散开,对着我喃喃道:长发为君留,此生若不嫁你,长发不减,清灯古佛,自梳闺中.......&
　　母亲赶紧往外走,一路小跑,不小心碰到了隔壁妇产科一个等着生孩子的老太太,老太太拉住母亲,慈祥的说:孩子,急什么阿,有啥想不开的阿?别颠着孩子阿....&
　　母亲被她缠的心烦,一把拉开被子,那老太太一看见我,立刻跟上了神经病得似的,眼泪哗 哗的,一屁股蹲倒在地,摇头狂叫:我早生了50年啊!!!!!!!!!! 母亲闪.....&
　　 　　我长到十五岁的时候,还不敢上学,不是没上过,幼儿园的时候上了半天就不敢去了,全园的孩子老师加院长都疯了,我的脸蛋被小女孩亲的肿成了西瓜,阿姨们狂殴小朋友,不为别的, 就因为他们和我生在一个年段,军警出动,才算平息了*.&
我家门口常年有人钓鱼,而且绝不空手而归,最有意思的是,我们家离海还有一百公里,他 们却经常在门前的小臭水沟里钓到金枪鱼,并且在草垛后边发现了海龟蛋,后来经调查,原来 是因为我家门口常年不断有无数女人哭泣,而眼泪的成分富含氨基酸和蛋白质,十分适合金枪 鱼生存和海龟产卵下蛋,经年累月,那些女人的眼泪汇集成了一小片海滩,到我十五岁的时候, 海滩上一片繁荣景象,到我十八岁的时候,这片海滩发展的十分迅速,于是被人称为:夏威夷.&
　　有一次我实在闷得慌,晚上偷偷跑出家门,我本来准备好如果见到雌性的动物就撒腿狂奔,谁知道我出门后,除了一片惊声尖叫,没有追来的,我小心翼翼的回头一看,原来他们全部晕倒在海滩上...&
　　美国国防部正式向海牙国际法庭起诉我,说我破坏第一家庭的家庭幸福,原来总统夫人老辣见到我六岁时候被*的照片后,竟然跟小布什提出离婚,创造了美国国家历史上第一宗在 任总统离婚案,海牙国际法庭受理后,给我下达了传票,我接到传票后,表示愿意出庭,因为这 种生活实在难以忍受,不过传票没有回到法庭,因为上面我有签名,所以半路上被邮递员.....&
　　后来邮递员被判122年有期徒刑.&
　　中央电视台焦点访谈节目组来采访我,抗摄像机的那个玻璃晕倒了三次,负责笔录的那个 小姑娘生生把中文写成了意大利文加西班牙文.&
　　播出的时候,因为电视台对我的面部进行了马赛克处理,第二天就被人砸了,标语贴的到 处都是。小布什趁机访华,发表了演说,题目为;我的一张大字报!演讲是在美国T2特工5000多人的保护下进行,不过顾此失彼,空军一号被袭,砸了个希吧烂....&
　　联合国拨专款为我建造了一座藏身之处,位于喜马拉雅山的珠穆朗玛峰顶端,消息极度*,世界上除了我家人和秘书长安南,谁也不知道我在哪里.我享受了的清静,真正的清静,蓝天距离我无比接近,上帝简直就是触手可及,我清静了,但也是极度的烦闷,我站在巅峰大声呼喊:我不帅!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&
　　 　突然,天上传来一个安魂幽弥的声音:不,你撒谎......&
　　上帝,您就不能骗骗我.......&
　　我愤怒,极度愤怒!!!质问上帝,你为什么让我这么帅!!!!&
　　上帝那安魂的声音又传来:你说什么?&
　　我全身瘫软,泣声道:我为什么这么帅.......&
　　上帝沉默了......过了一会,上帝才开口:你谦虚......&
　　那一霎那,我想从顶峰跳下去........&
　　忽然山下有一队人马冲上山来,后来才知道,安南被绑架,为首的匪徒的母亲的姥姥曾经在中国清朝时期在慈喜身边当宫女,老爷是刑部尚书,家传宝,就是满清十大酷刑,安南果然是条可歌可泣的汉子,一直用到第九刑,才说出我的藏身之所....&
　　我发狂了!!!&
　　我站在一块石头上,面对万丈悬崖,歇斯底里:你们敢上来!!!我就跳下去!!!!!&
　　人群站住不动了,惊人的寂静....&
　　人群开始骚动,有许多人如同着魔一般,从悬崖边跳了下去,越来越多!最后只剩下几个晕倒的还留在山上,剩下的,全部跳下山崖,我往下一看,他们用身体给我铺成了一张软垫,怕我失足落下....&
　　 　　我孤立无援...我被女派重点保护在以前的美国五角大楼,女人以见我一面为荣,自从上一次珠峰事件以后,科学家发现人类的潜能原来如此强大,因为那次珠峰事件中,有百分之十的人身患绝症,百分之十的残疾人,还有百分之十的弱智.....许多癌症患者(女)为了见我一面,已经苦苦支撑了十几年,还成了抗癌明星,有的残疾人(女)自从见到我,便甩掉了相伴几十年的拐杖和轮椅,有几个还连破了几次世界百米纪录.&
　　无奈之下,第三次世界大战*,男性为了维护自己的尊严,动用了*...&
　　爆炸过后,全世界只有我一个人存活,因为我被保护在防核区,我走出来的时候,大地一片荒芜,处处是战争过后的荒凉和废墟....&
　　突然,我发现地上还有生物!!!!&
　　那是一只蟑螂!!!蟑螂的生命力之强,出乎所有人的意料,我捧起这只蟑螂,老泪纵横,那 只蟑螂全身发抖,我放眼望去,原来在我脚下,是一片蟑螂!!!全是母的!!!&http://riueuxyp.pen.io/
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　　而另外的海岸线上,所有的公蟑螂虎视眈眈!!!&
　　谁也不会料到,地球的第四次世界大战,竟然发生在蟑螂之间.....&
　　后记:我死后我千万年,后人类诞生,他们将我的骸骨还原,葬在北极,在我的墓碑上空,终 年漂浮着一片云彩,变幻来变幻去,只有一个字:帅.....&
出于礼貌:是不是该回个贴?
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